Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
