what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
