Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
