she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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