Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
