Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
