sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
