I can text with my tongue
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
