You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
