so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
