"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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