bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize