'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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