i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
