if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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