youre lurking in front of me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
