Apparently you make a good broom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
