omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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