Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
