wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize