dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
