Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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