U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
