Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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