Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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