Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
