look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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