My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
