I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
