it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
