so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I believe in your delicious
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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