babies were throwing up all over the place
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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