I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
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