We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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