Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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