I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize