Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
