This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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