And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
