TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
