P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
