If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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