my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
