Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
