It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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