im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
