It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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