D3 body, D1 cock
I'm lost and stupid without you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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