So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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