I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
