Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Couch. On fire.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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