she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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