Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
