Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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