I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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