i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We named our party play list daddy issues
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
