so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
