Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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