I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
false alarm, still single
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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