I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
