you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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