: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
