do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
