Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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